This coming Thursday, I’ll turn a year older. 27, late twenties or whatever. But what has been bugging me for quite a while now, is the incessant questions from relatives, family friends etc. etc. on why I do not have a boyfriend, on why I am not married, on why I don’t want to. I guess it is normal, most people my age are already married and have kids. But it makes me feel uncomfortable getting those kind of questions. I don’t know if I will ever get married, I do not know what will happen in the future. Regarding having kids, I do not know if I want to have one. Because honestly, I am still so selfish, and I do not trust myself on taking care of another tiny human being. I like what I have right now, sure it would be nice to meet someone who genuinely likes you and whom you genuinely like as well. But settling down is not on my mind. I cannot envision something like that right now. All I can see is me, finally moving to my dream city, struggling but still enjoying everything. I don’t want to fit into someone else’s box of  who I should be or what I should be doing. I want to fit into my own box. I just want them to leave me alone. I try not to care, but we all have our limits. The worst feeling is when you answer them that no I don’t think I’ll get married and they look at you like you’re bat shit crazy. I am sorry I am not like you, I am not even going to try to be….

I am going to start working again on Monday next week. I am not super happy about the salary but heck, I should not be picky and just give that place a try. Even though there were really cringe worthy people around. I have to stick it out, and just be there to work. Save up, and when I have enough money, run away to Wonderland. Not really, save up for travel. That is basically it, I am going to work so that I’ll have money for travel. 

The may or may not be bump on the road, was actually just a bump. As of now everything is kinda working out well, but there is still a possibility that it will reoccur and I hope to God it won’t anymore and that everything will work out for the best. 

Oh you know what, I love pinterest, I appreciate it a lot, instead of reblogging, hence somehow making this tumblog less personal, I pin it instead. Teehee!

This is it, I know something will go wrong, because sometimes, when a situation is too good to be true, something nasty is bound to happen. Well there’s a possibility that it might. And I am writing this entry right now because I keep on looking for distractions to get my mind off of things but I can’t. Worried thoughts now has a company, PANIC. A month ago, it looked like everything will be okay. Everything in our lives was on its way towards great things. And now all of a sudden there’s a bump on the road. And I am not even sure if this is indeed just a bump. It may be life altering again. What we thought would give us comfort turned out to give us added misery and burdens. I want to think positively, but I can’t. Silly thoughts like, is this because I did not go to church earlier? Is this the result? The punishment? I can’t help it, it’s the catholic girl in me. I just want everything to be fixed, to be set in motion again, I don’t like this may or may not be bump on the road. I just feel helpless. Pathetic I know. But it is what it is. Vague details I know. But I really don’t care about the details, I need not put every bit of information. Because as I said, I need to write this, to release this, because no distraction can help. I am caged with it.

I am currently watching Seinfeld. It is considered one the greatest shows of all time and while I did get to watch it back then, I am not old enough to really immerse myself in it. It started when I was 4 years old and ended when I was 13. Yes, I have a lot of time in my hands and I can afford to be a couch potato right now. On other news, I have been spending quite a lot on take outs these past few days and I promise myself that today will be last time in a long while. Not only is it unhealthy, it’s not good spending extra money on take outs when we do have food here at home. Worried thoughts, and doomed future self scenarios are once again swirling in my mind. Well, they have always been there, but there are certain days when their presence is much more felt. I wish it could just go away. I talk to my mom everyday via skype, there is a possibility that she may go home this week here in the Philippines instead of having to go to HK to renew her visa. I hope whatever it is that happens, the produced result is in her favor.  I am waiting for a phone call that will end my unemployment status, and so far nada. I intend to wait until friday next week and if still no call, I will move on and and try my luck elsewhere. I swear that if I get employed again, I will not let myself succumb to my fickleness and just walk away again just like that. Well, I will really try not to. Let’s not make any promises Marilag. What else has been going on? hmmm. I deactivated my facebook account. Deleted all tweets from my twitter except for one. Why? because I want to! I’ll come back when I am ready. 

Because I have this need to get all things done quickly, it’s because of my impatient nature. And, try as I might, to relax, chill, and repeat in my mind, that, everything will fall into place, I can never be at ease, until I get things done. Which I cannot as of this moment, because I still do not have the means to do so. 

I don’t know how my Mother does it! And I am beginning to think that eventually, during the start of my fifties or maybe as early as my forties, I will transform into a misanthrope.

Just right now, I am really stressed and I wish Monday would come already, so that I can get things done. Have a peaceful Holy Week, and I just want to be left alone. In today’s living, it is getting harder and harder to be left alone. Shut the fuck up!

I have dropped a couple of TV shows from my viewing list including  some of the new ones that premiered last fall. I live in the Philippines and I realized that I have not watched local TV for weeks now. I used to follow Pinoy Big Brother but then I got tired of it, this season was especially disappointing.

My favorite sitcom of all time is Arrested Development, and I am giddy with excitement to learn that there will be a fourth season which will probably premiere in early 2013 and then on to the movie which I have been agonizingly waiting for years now. For drama, my favorite would have to be Breaking Bad, no argument in that. Animated show, it would be Bob’s Burgers, The second season just started and I am glad that critics have been warming up to the show because they were not really nice during the first season!

So this is me trying to be organized and I love listing things, so I’ll go ahead and list the shows that I intent to keep on watching. 

*2 Broke Girls 

*How I Met Your Mother

*Bob’s Burgers

*Breaking Bad

*Mad Men

*The Walking Dead

*Grimm (dropped Once Upon a Time for this because I like Monroe)

*South Park

*The Simpsons

*Portlandia

*It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

*Community

*Modern Family

*Alcatraz

*Girls(premiering next month on HBO)

*What comes after Game of thrones

*CSI, CSI NY(I never liked Miami)

*The Big Bang Theory

This list will be updated!