I want to take back at least half of the “I love you”s, because I didn’t mean them as much as the other ones. I want to take back the book of artsy photos I gave you, because you didn’t get it and said it was hipster trash. I want to take back what I said about you being an emotional zombie. I want to take back the time I called you “honey” in front of your sister and you looked like I had just shown her pictures of us having sex. I want to take back the wineglass I broke when I was mad, because it was a nice wineglass and the argument would have ended anyway. I want to take back the time we had sex in a rent-a-car, not because I feel bad about the people who got the car after us, but because it was massively uncomfortable. I want to take back the trust I had while you were away in Austin. I want to take back the time I said you were a genius, because I was being sarcastic and I should have just said you’d hurt my feelings. I want to take back the secrets I told you so I can decide now whether to tell them to you again. I want to take back the piece of me that lies in you, to see if I truly miss it. I want to take back at least half the “I love you”s, because it feels safer that way.
by Haruki Murakami
This is the first book I finished reading this year, I have actually read it before. I just decided to reread it because I was planning to watch the film adaptation. This novel makes me feel infinitely nostalgic and sad.
I plan on reading more this year, and as I finished reading every single book, I decided I would post it here along with some excerpts that really got to me while reading. I plan on doing this with every film I get to watch too. This is a good start. Hopefully I can continue this all through out this year, and the next years to come.
-“I was thinking about the beautiful girl walking next to me. I was thinking about the two of us together, and then about myself again. I was at that age, that time of life when every sight, every feeling, every thought came back, like a boomerang, to me. And worse I was in love. Love with complications. Scenery was the last thing on my mind.”
-“Don’t you see? It’s not just possible for one person to watch over another person forever and ever. I mean, suppose we got married.
You’d have to work during the day. Who’s going to watch over me while yo’re away? Or if you go on a business trip, who’s going to watch over me then? Can I be glued to you every minute of our lives?
What kind of equality would there be in that? What kind of relationship would that be? Sooner or later you’d get sick of me. You’d wonder what you were doing with your life, why you were spending all your time babysitting this woman. I couldn’t stand that. It wouldn’t solve any of my problems.”
-“It’s been like this for a while now. I try to say something, but all I get are the wrong words- the wrong words or the exact opposite words from what I mean. I try to correct myself, and that only makes it worse. I lose track of what I was trying to say to begin with. It’s like I’m split in two and playing tag with myself. One half is chasing the other half around this big, fat post. The other me has the right words, but this me can’t touch her.”
-“Death exists not as the opposite but as a part of life.”
